I’m rethinking this whole ideology of romantic love. But, before I get there… here’s something a friend said to me today that I want you all to keep in mind.
“I don’t believe in fate. Just like I don’t believe in real love. It just isn’t realistic in today’s society. To believe in it is childish.”
Ask anyone about love and they’ll give you an opinion: It’s unconditional. It’s succulent like a rose. A warm feeling. It’s delightful. It’s substantial and con-substantial meaning that it is always real, not imaginary, and shared, not imposed. Love is actual, not powerful, because love can also be weak, as such is the nature of the heart. In any event, it’s one hell of a feeling, right? Not exactly.
If love was a feeling, you wouldn’t be able to promise that to someone forever. When you “feel” love you’re essentially only thinking of yourself—think about it, how you feel about a person or how a person makes you feel is completely about you, not the other person. It’s how you treat and act towards him or her that shows whether you actually really truly Love and value that person or not.
So here’s my theory: not only isn’t love a feeling, but love isn’t even an it. Love is a verb, a behavior in which another person’s well-being and happiness is the primary intention. Yet, at the same time, there is nothing that is not love.
It’s confusing right? And that’s the unfortunate beauty of it, love is not sensible and you can’t control it regardless of the kind. Relationship love is a roller-coaster ride and if you ate a heavy meal prior to, it might make you throw up! Especially for the young heart’ed preteens. I remember when I was young and in love, I look back and laugh. Though, I’ve only been in 2 serious relationships. From them both I’ve taken away the fact that love has 3 stages:
1. Love for Lust
2. Love in Marriage
3. Divine love
So, when/if you think you’re in love, be aware of which stage you are in. I’ve been told that real love happens in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking.
But I’m not here to give advice on love simply because well, your experience(s) of love will greatly deviate from mine, but I can tell you this: love is uncontrollable. You’ll never know the 5 W’s (who, what, when, where, why) of love until you’re in that moment. But trust me, it will happen.
I believe that every love story happens long before you actually meet that person. And when you think about, most love stories do happen that way. Each and every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you and prepares you for that person you were fated for. Any previous lonely nights or heartbreaks can be crucially important in the scheme of things—sometimes we need to know what something feels like when it’s wrong before we can ever really know it when another thing is RIGHT.
Going back to the previously mentioned quote, ask yourself… do you believe in fate? Or even real love? Although, I understand where my friend, and others like him, are coming from, I don’t agree with it. What I would agree with is the idea of people giving up on the BULL-SHIT fantasy of “love” on TV, social networking sites, etc…
In short, love is something that takes a while to happen, so just be patient.
“(Love) It’s just chillin’, you know. Kickin’ it with somebody, talking, making mad stupid jokes, and like not even wanting to go to sleep cause, then you might be without them for a minute. And you don’t want that.”
Poussey – ‘Orange is the New Black’.
Even if you did give up on it, it would only be temporary because love and life are always testing you. Sooner or later, you’ll be attracted to someone, they’ll possibly be attracted to you. The best thing you can do is stop looking for it and let it come to you!