I’m going to go off the assumption that we’ve all been hurt before…
We’ve all been so hurt that we began to build walls around ourselves that we think will keep us from getting hurt again. We don’t let anyone pass them because we’re afraid. Afraid to open up our souls, thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams. To let them know the reasons why you cry and why they make you so happy. It’s terrifying. How do you tell someone how you feel without giving them the ability to completely destroy you?
Almost every day, I see several people that I follow on Instagram post something pertaining to the kind of relationship they desire. It’s never the same person (or maybe, I don’t know), but it’s always the same end goal. So how is it that… there’s a vast majority of single ladies and gents in the world, yet they’re all complaining about not being in a relationship?
No, the answer isn’t because “Drake taking errrbody b*tches.” Although, the media has proven that to be a valid point. But no… It could be argued that people are single because they have trust issues, but I already called bullshit on that in my last blog In No One We Trust. So I’m going to purposely let the cat out of the bag because you need to know why you’re single or why you’re friends, friends of friends, homegirl Tati (we all know a Tati), or your sister’s bestfriend’s cousin named Tyrone is single… The answer is *drum roll*…we’re single because we’re afraid to be vulnerable.
Let me explain
I’ve mentioned before that love isn’t exactly a feeling, but more-so a verb in You a little sucker for love, right? If you haven’t read it, I suggest that you do. With that being said, here’s my theory: Since love is a verb—a word used to describe an action, state, or occurrence—love is not being afraid to be vulnerable because love thrives in vulnerability. We plant the seeds of love when we allow ourselves to fully trust another person and to have faith in the unknown. Exposing each and EVERY weakness, shortcoming, or fear that you have while still being able to feel safe in someone else’s presence is allowing yourself to be completely naked to their eyes.
I remember having a conversation with a friend and he’d asked why I was still single… At first I was kind of like, “BRUH why u axin all dem queztion$…?!” But then, on a more serious note I explained to him that it’s because… no one wants to get naked for me. There’s so many people who claim that they have trust issues because of this or that and yo’ I feel for them because trust issues are real, but there are ways that you get over them. Let me ask y’all this, what does a new person coming into your life have to do with something that the last person did? (like why you gotta bring up old shit)
I think it’s okay to minimize the level of trust that you give to people following whatever happened in your past relationship(s), but eventually you have to realize that it’s selfish to think that you’re the only one whose been hurt before or is hurting. When in actuality, you’re hurting other people because they don’t understand why they can’t be apart of your life or why you are “incapable” of letting them in. When you are fearful of trusting someone because of something that happened in the past you’re essentially holding onto a grudge that you need to let go of. And baby I know… trusting ain’t easy and it ain’t sweet either, but you have to open up the f*cking door in order to live and that’s real. We’re single because we’re afraid to expose ourselves to the world. And in that we miss opportunities to experience the beauty of loving or being loved by someone. It’s unfortunate.
I never understood people who block everyone out simply because they’re afraid of getting hurt. I’ve got news for you, we all get hurt sometimes! Hell, some people get hurt all the time, some people only get hurt now and then but, I guarantee that it will hurt a hell of a lot more if in 20 years from now you look back at your life and see an empty void where wonderful memories should have been just because your salty ass “didn’t want to let someone in.” If you don’t let people into your life, you’ll never experience the good too.
It’s funny how life’s like that..you take the good with the bad and that’s all there is to it.
But you have to love yourself first, and I mean all of you because the power of self love is amazing. When you love yourself vulnerability becomes so much easier.
So what are you waiting for? GET NAKED YOU BEEZY!