In grade school my favorite love story was a book called Jennifer Jones Won’t Leave Me Alone. It’s a sappy story that continuously rhymes about puppy love and a little boy who is completely annoyed by a girl in his class. Ironically, when she moves away, he misses her. Not only is the book hilarious, but it’s also romantic (it’s still on my bookshelf to this day, don’t judge me). Thinking about this book reminded of how love came so easy back then and it wasn’t tainted.
I remember having my friends pass a Do You Like Me note across the class to my crush. You know… the one that you would draw three boxes on that read: yes, no, or maybe. I would get extremely nervous the moment the note reached his fingertips and would be super scared to even peak to see which boxed was being checked. So you can imagine how stunned I was when the note came back and was actually checked as yes. “Dan-yell and [insert a tall, dark, and handsome man’s name here] sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” my friends would tease. I remember blushing so hard and genuinely feeling butterflies rush to my stomach.
But unfortunately, as time moves on I’m realizing that love isn’t black and white. Love is black, white, and sometimes grey. And it isn’t as innocent as it was in elementary school because now the cookies that guys want to share aren’t the ones in your lunchbox.
As we grow up it becomes apparent that the world’s way of current day relationships is to have sex, then get to know each other, chill, and maybe somewhere down the line get into a relationship. As a result of this, many boys/men and girls/women have adopted the phrase “I’m not looking for anything serious, let’s just chill.” Which translates into one (or all) of the following:
- I’m not looking for anything serious with you, but would enjoy casual sex.
- He/she doesn’t like you enough (yet) to commit, but wants casual sex.
- I’m only here to emotionally/mentally manipulate you, in order to have casual sex.
- I’m good enough for sex but not an emotionally bonded relationship.
And most people say this because they believe it’s more polite than saying “I’m just here for the sex.” Or sometimes they start out relationship-like, but then state that they don’t want a relationship in the midst of getting to know them. “I don’t want anything serious” just means that, that person wants to have their cake and eat it too. On the bright side, it could also mean that they really just want to be friends with you and couldn’t find a less harsh way to reject you. On the brighter side, it could mean that they’re legitimately uninterested in being monogamous, committed, or super attached at that time.
Regardless of either case… I know its hard because sometimes when you’re genuinely interested, or like, or lust, or you’re persistent (lowkey thirstin’) about being with someone in the back of your mind, “Lets just be friends” sounds like a hard rejection and “I don’t want anything serious” sounds like a challenge. So you make it game, thinking.. maybe if I do this or do that he’ll change his mind. But honey, his mind is
MADE UP and you need to CHANGE UP!
Hypothetically speaking, let’s just imagine that you do end up dating them for a while… don’t be too surprised if they leave when something better comes along or when the one that they actually wants finally wants them.
And fellas, it’s one thing to put your best foot forward in order to make yourself seem supremely charming (or whateva), but it’s another thing to falsify your wants. I understand that you’re human and you frequently experience sexual arousal so you want some chocha. But what does it say about your character when you manipulate a woman/man for your own sexual desires? I could never understand a guy who cherishes his mother/sisters/aunties/grandmas that preaches of how he would never want them to be mistreated by men, yet they mistreat someone else’s jewel of a woman. It’s hypocritical, disrespectful, and I feel sorry for your daughters because your bad karma put a hit on her heart (and potentially yours).
Of course, I realize that in many cases the guy is just trying to manage the girls expectations that she doesn’t get hurt. Which should be appreciated to a certain degree, but I just don’t understand not wanting to be in a relationship.
My problem with ‘chilling’ with someone is that you’re just hanging out with no purpose or no intention to marry. He wants your time, your body, your vagina, and even your heart, but he’s unwilling to give you a commitment. Unfortunately, there are so many relationships like this. Men and women are settling everyday to the idea of ‘chilling’ instead of receiving what they are really worth. I, myself can’t count the number of times that I have heard this “let’s chill” line. I don’t think people know the meaning of just hanging out to have a great time without sex. It’s sad seeing so many people spend time with a person they don’t even like just to have something to do. To me, it seems like some people think that relationships and love equal a loss of happiness so they alter it. The irony is that a significant other is what most of us desire eventually…