Lost Potential

There’s a common notion that when someone consciously knows that they have serious chance of dying their “life begins to flash before their eyes.” One good theory why this would happen is that the brain is immediately processing all the knowledge it has looking for a solution to stop death from happening. Of course no one can pin point exactly why this occurs, but  it just is..

I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but when I meet someone.. I see their potential flash right before my eyes and I can nearly fall in love with it… with the idea of experiencing them. Not necessarily sexually or even romantically, but just in the sense of all the laughing, arguing, and occasionally crying… and all those other little moments that really make your best relationships as solid as they are. But I’m now realizing that seeing someone’s potential can be both a blessing and a curse.

I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine about someone I was slightly taking a romantic interest in that I met back in March. For the most part.. he’s a really nice guy, handsome, genuine, and entertaining to say the least. Things were going good so I’d ask my friend how would I test his intentions in order to see where things were heading without verbally communicating it—because that would then sabotage the relationship. For example, If you’re having a fun, great, sexy time, why oh why would you drop those dreaded words, “Where is this going?” It’s the relationship equivalent of walking into the middle of a great party, turning off the music, flipping on all the lights, and saying, “So, I just want to check. Is everyone having a good time?” (Haha, I can just imagine everyone’s face. That’d be awkward as hell…Like, just don’t do it period.)

So anyways, this friend told me to do things outside of just hanging out at the crib on the couch. Because then that would mean we are just sofa dating. Simply put.. a sofa date is a hookup situation and it signals that that particular man is seeking to take the easy way out to satisfy his own selfish physical needs. It also shows that he isn’t willing to lift a finger for you, might not be worried about impressing you, and probably doesn’t want a relationship in the first place. And if someone starts off like that consistently, I highly doubt he’d change halfway through (Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free).

But before I could even make my next move.. he straight up sent an eggplant image in the booty tootie time frame and he’s done it before and it didn’t bother me. But this time, it was prior to me having the conversation with my friend so I’m was kind of like “Leapin’ Lizards! This is the sign… these are his intentions.” And honestly… I was so f-cking disappointed thinking Why’d you have to do that? You were doing so good:( ….He even had the nerve to attempt to swindle me into coming to his house and I bluntly responded with a “No.”  And I received a “Fashoo” in return as if he was mad. When in reality he was just feeling salty because he didn’t see the curve coming *sips tea*

But I digress.

So despite, all the things that I’d hope to do or experience in that relationship… it has to come to a halt on my end because then otherwise I’d often find myself making excuses for someone’s behavior instead of acknowledge what is. We all do it, women especially. It truly is a beautiful thing… our ability to see beyond someone’s faults and see their full potential. But it can also hurt us so much in the end. I think some of us just need to be reminded to clearly see someone for who they are and how they makes us feel…instead of who we hope and dream of them to be.

In order for it to work balance is needed. It’s about keeping this beautiful quality while at the same time reminding ourselves that we really don’t know this person. And so we stop ourselves from getting emotionally and physically involved with someone until enough time has passed for them to shown us what they’re all about. You might loose a few along the way, but in the end it’s all worth it.


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